And the quotes again!

women are silly creatures (a good amount of offense meant!)....they look for a reason/a pattern in everything....even though most of their behavior can never be explained with good reason

you know people who like to take only calculated risks like to look for a reason in everything

Courtesy R. Yes, this alphabet makes its debut on this blog tonight! :)

The Quote

Saw the play "Troubadour" by Salim Ghouse a couple of months ago at the convention centre, and could not help but remember a quote he made so emphatically -

If you're with everybody but me, you're with nobody

If you're with nobody but me, you're everybody

Pulled the strings deep within.

Coupled with the deep baritone, the subliminal messages, and the passion, it made for a truly exhilarating evening. Definitely one of the moments of my life here at b school

And then, the ramble

time goes by ever so slowly

yet the memories remain

of moments of pain, and those of vain

gestating in the mind, roosting

a crowd this is, and yet it ain't

the lonely shepherd on the hill

he sees them sun rises and sunsets

a reason for envy for many

but still the need, the want to belong

trudging the paths all day long

and yet retracing the steps

back home at the end of the day

the want for a change

the desperate need to move on

stuck in a time warp

and then the chains

the rare moments of vulnerability

the bane of my existence

looks are deceptive, chinks aplenty

to err is human, I'm human too!

Rewind

To a post a long time ago after my first tryst with golf. And then today - I was back at the driving range. The after effects of a year of not having indulged was clearly visible in the swing, or the lack thereof! 45 minutes into it along with H - a senior from high school who is now a batchmate at b school (coincidence?!) - and it was slowly getting back.

Its funny how you can never unlearn certain things in life. Cycling, driving, swimming, and of late - golf! You can go without any of these for any length, and when you get back to it, its a matter of a short time and everything falls into place. Much like people from the past, who may be far far away for years at a stretch, and yet, it takes but just those 5 minutes of the high fives for everything to come back! Shaky and S would vie for this, and R as well.

All said and done, this time golf will become a religion. Intend to take time out at least twice a week. Spoke at length with SC last night and sorted out the first 2 aspects of my 5-3-1 year goals. Feel a bit more at peace with myself now.

Nearing the end of term 3 of 8 here at b school. Another week and then I'm off to Delhi for a well deserved break (I'd like to claim!). It has been weird - this time at school. I've changed so much that people would fail to recognise me. And I guess that all contributes to the haziness in the 3rd part of the goal. But its about time I pick up the pieces, and get back to building the unflailing image I was so used to having people see me in. Deep within, I question if its been worth it. Its time again for changes, and this time the kinds that puts me back where I was.

And then I rue the reduced anonymity here. I might kill this blog soon, and move everything elsewhere. Unless the urge is overcome over the next few days. S2 is being sorely missed! But I look forward to the new house in Delhi. And yes, I am well and truly on the path of getting ready for my brother's wedding. Squash and/or badminton every evening, I promise! And a lot of other things too.

The Who

Marty

Hiro Nakamura

Neo

And then, Nick

And then there was joy!

the nadir that is so horrid

and then the zenith

makes the trip downhill

so worthwhile

realisation that strikes

and then strikes yet again

sorrow that is real and short lived

it is all so important

the bonds - moments in time

they last - forever in time

so touching and pure

that i always want more

the past is gone

and then the ramifications

the future is here now

joyous, promising, and how!

Emotions

At times, it just seems so overwhelming. Emotions aplenty, and the yearning for more. All that was said and done seems just heading downhill. But then there is the confidence of reaching the zenith. The strength to chart the uphill path that shall come. To be able to taste the elixir, and rid myself of the doubts and apprehensions.

Communication - an essential ingredient, becomes even more so when it is lacking. A feeling of deja vu - going back 9 years. But this time I shall not let things be. The journey might be arduous, but I've started the climb up, and finish it soon I will.

Some of them are shed, and I look to pick up the pieces. Set them back into the jigsaw again, I shall. To complete the picture that became dearest to me.

All of this and more!

But verses still elude me. There is hope

Despair, and hope!

beyond the sea green fields
the lonely castle by the sea
standing the test of time
wonderful for the eye to see

a thing of beauty, or despair
visitors aplenty, admirers galore
but still nobody to inhabit
reminiscent of the days of yore

footsteps on the cobbled paths
smoothened edges of jagged rocks
no longer the sharpness there used to be
stay like this forever and more

the ocean breeze, the sight of a distant ship
a blue horizon, breaking dawn
signs of hope, harbingers of change
a life numbed, yet moving on

???

What's in a name for a blog post? As long as the emotions are captured, does one really care?

Its been a whirlwind couple of months since I got back to India, and most of this time on campus at b school. People say it is normally enough to get over certain things, places and people, but why then does it always rain on me! (ref: Travis - yeah! being a b school student, I can't help but mention references where the words or thoughts aren't mine!). A la contraire, its been an awesome time! And I already dread this time ending in another 10 months when I graduate. But until then, living each moment to the fullest is the key. I shall, and I will.
I normally do not eat words at least here on my blog, but this time, I guess its a bit different. The anonymous blog is seemingly spreading and being followed by a few folks. Maybe its time for another one to be created. The darkest and deepest secrets, or even the darker and deeper ones for that matter, are now still lounging around in my head. And I just can't seem to vent them out. Certain people are being sorely missed. Very sorely. But then all is not lost! At least I have not been kindled enough for poetry to flow through! I'm glad its limited to just prose.
Term 2 begins tomorrow. Term 2 of 8. And no, this post is not in "gearing up" for that. A long overdue one, it is - an ode to someone. Its like being thirsty in the ocean, being lost in a crowd. Deja vu for sure! Nostalgic yet again! But there's hope this time. And more than just hope - a trip back home next month and things should get better.
Caught up with S3 after ages! And at length at that. Its funny how even though the conversations change over years, the topic for those still remain the same! Different perspectives with each passing year, and suddenly you get the feeling you're getting old! 28 years old, and loving every bit of it, I am. 2 months have gone by, and there are 10 more. Yet to find my calling, but sure that I will. And as I often say - in that hope I live on!

Reminiscence

This sure is strange! Its been a whirlwind fortnight here at b school, and I've just managed to catch my breath. Had my first decent night's sleep - 10 hours!! That sure is a luxury. Definitely my first on campus, and probably my last for the next year. When the alumni say 4 hours is what you get, I'm sure I will treasure this one dearly.
Nevertheless, the other aspect that I was thinking aloud with new chums was the fact that it is so weird that given the hectic schedule of the course (wait, it will get better!), I've hardly had time to reflect on the ones I left behind when I moved to a new city a couple of weeks ago.
The strings have suddenly started exerting the pull this morning in a frenzy of phone calls. London and Delhi - 2 cities where my heart lies. And I am at neither. London has had glorious sunshine for over a week now. Imagine that! Summer is finally there. And here I am - in temperatures well in excess of 40 degrees (Celsius)!! phew!
The gang up there - yes, at the expense of sounding childish, I admit - I miss them all! It is indeed true that you only realise the true worth of something in its absence. ....52693, .....44940 and so many more numbers come flashing by. It is indeed weird that I'm not calling these any more, but instead so many more. M and B - haven't spoken with them in over a week! Life moves on.
The Rock is coming to campus here early next month. Would be phenomenal! It was interesting that we could not meet up in Delhi. Lots to share there is, joyous and sad. I'm waiting!
Delhi - aaah! I barely managed to get 2 weeks there after returning from London and before heading here. Delhi is where my heart lies. It is indeed surprising how stuff that I thought was behind me, never went anywhere. The tugs are all there. And in certain moments of non ignorance, I can feel them - very strongly! Phone calls are just so not enough. It sure is complicated. Very.
My bro's wedding dates are about to be fixed - hey ho! That would mean a few trips to Delhi sometime later this year. Look forward to it! And yes, this is it! That effectively makes the last 2 weeks before I left Delhi my last time with bro whilst both of us are bachelors. 28 years of the bond, the unspoken words, the fights, the duels, the arguments, the mischiefs, the cover-ups. We have grown up together alright. And now it is time to embrace the next phase of life. It is an awesome feeling! And I am so looking forward to it!
And then there is the phone call due to S2. And I shall make that one soon :o)

The void

There are things in life, and then there are more
at times you just need to open the door
let the winds of change come in
and welcome them with open arms

the old couch, weathered and beaten
contoured to years of sitting on it
no longer the new kid on the block
growing old gracefully

the need for a new breath
the smell of the hills and the ocean breeze
everyone wants to escape there - to the shore
just so many shackles, too many wanting more

the ivy grows, creeps up on the trunk
clinging on like a leech on skin
eating up the sunlight and strangling the tree
someone needs to break in

its time now, I'm free like a bird
why then do i not soar up in flight
its inexplicable, the restraint
no chains now leaving a void

April 1

I hate this!!!!
Aftre having spent the good part of the last 30 minutes writing again, the stupid selection method kills the post! All the text vanished into thin air. And I can't bother to write again.

Frustration is ripe
Feel like taking a swipe
Get away from my way
If you do not want to be blown away!

What a "perfect" start to the weekend - duh!!

Inside

The sheafs of paper
Bound together
The book, they call it
More than just that though!

The start is elusive
The ending ever so clear
A fat wad of pages
Waiting to start the read